Breakthrough!

Waves of sadness continue to hit me from time to time, but I am still standing :)

Better yet, I've gotten past the mental block and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am ever-so-diligently making my way towards the end of the second book...just a few more chapters to go.  Can't wait to see where the story takes me!

September blues

I am not depressed. I am not depressed. I am not depressed.

Perhaps if I write it enough I will start to believe it. Mind over matter and all...

I'm just in a funk. I had hoped the recent summer purge would give me a fresh start, but I just feel empty. Unfulfilled. Unmotivated.

I was supposed to do great things
I know the road was long
But I wasn't raised to shoot for fame
I had the safety on

-Cold War Kids, Miracle Mile

I was valedictorian of my high school. I graduated top of my undergraduate engineering class. I graduated from my master's program at UC Berkeley with honors. I became a part owner in my engineering firm in my early 30's.  I was supposed to do great things...

And then we moved. I wanted it as much as my husband...to be closer to family...for the sake of my kids. But I didn't fully appreciate all that I would sacrifice in that process, and how difficult it can be at times to live so close to my husband's family (not that living close to my own family would have been any easier). I know the road was long...

Turns out my engineering skills are not as valued here in the mid-atlantic where there is not the constant struggle over water that there is the west and the south. Turns out that my venture into the writing world is not proving to be very successful. [Not that I was expecting JK Rowling fame...I guess I just hoped my story would strike a chord with more people than it has]. So where there was once a naive confidence - there is now fear. And failure is a bitter pill to swallow...even more so late in life. But I wasn't raised to shoot for fame, I had the safety on...

Tomorrow is another day. I am not depressed. I am not depressed.