My engineering project wrapped up last month, and I've been able to re-focus on my writing again. I've been working primarily on my collection of short stories and poems, but I did finally reengage with Volume 3 of the Stewards of Reed as well.
Everything came to a screeching halt yesterday, when I learned of the death of Robin Williams. I would not classify myself as a huge Robin Williams fan, though I did find him to be quite funny at times and really enjoyed some of his movies (namely Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting). It was the manner of his death that shook me so.
As someone who has struggled with depression, I know what it is like to contemplate taking your life. I know what a dark place you must be in for those thoughts to even cross your mind. It is heartbreaking to think that Robin Williams -- who devoted so much of his time and energy towards making the rest of us laugh -- was so tortured within.
I know there is a lot of ignorance surrounding depression and bi-polar disorder. I know it is difficult to understand why some people just don't "snap out of it" -- I know it is easy to think that such people are feeble-minded. Perhaps I am feeble-minded. Somehow I managed to teach myself piano, graduate as Valedictorian of my high school, become an engineer...and yet, I could not teach myself how to be happy. It seemed like such an effortless thing for others, but no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get rid of the intense melancholy that weighed upon me.
My closest high school girlfriends were aware of my true thoughts, but my depression remained hidden from others. At one point, my friends made me sign a contract that I would not attempt to kill myself. It wasn't as though that was the magic trick that suddenly made my depression go away, but in those dark times, when I would start to entertain the thought of suicide, I remembered that I had signed a contract...and that was enough to stop me.
Fortunately, in my case, I found that my sadness lessened, ever so slowly, as I made my way through college. I suspect it was the result of a combination of a change in brain chemistry and a change in environment. Given my family history of bi-polar/depression...I know genetics played a big role. In any case, I eventually found the light at the end of the tunnel. And while I am not a bubbly, happy soul, I am no longer burdened by sadness...and that is a beautiful thing.
I am just sorry that Robin Williams never had a chance to find his own light at the end of the tunnel :(
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